Motivation

I've been having a really hard time getting motivated today. Stayed in bed till 8:30 (usually up around 6), wasted time playing stupid computer games and should have gotten my arse up and out with Anita. It's cloudy and cool today and I just have felt like curling up in bed with a good book. I did manage to do something I've been thinking about for awhile and that is revisiting a photo I took of my mom a couple of years ago. Mom has Alzheimer's and this was taken while she could still walk and communicate. She actually asked me to take this picture of her and I'm glad I did. I have not felt comfortable taking her picture since and I'm not sure why. Maybe I haven't wanted to intrude on her privacy, she can no longer communicate with us and so can not tell me if it's okay or not. But the more I have thought about it there are pictures of her I want for myself. Pictures of her hands, the hands that raised me, her shoulders, the ones I cried on as a kid. I'm realizing there are ways I could photograph her and still respect her dignity. This image was originally shot in color but I prefer it in black and white. In a previous version I had cropped in a bit closer an applied a "lensbaby" effect where everything was blurred except her face. This is a more true representation of the scene. Mom made the doll she is holding, when she asked me to photograph her she asked that it be with this doll. Must be something that she is particularly proud of.